FEATURED IN LEADERSHIP
I've got a couple of kids and a stay-home wife. She used to work but claims it's more important for her to stay home and take care of the kids and the house. Sometimes when I get home she takes off for some quiet time. What about my quiet time? I work hard all day while she plays with the kids. I think she's just lazy and likes to sit around and spend the money I make. Maybe I'll demand she go back to work to remember how hard it is. What do you think? Bringin' Home the Bacon
Are you nuts? Here is a little story to illustrate how incredibly dumb you are. I recently was out of town at a law enforcement conference. This wasn't just some drinking-fest we were working on issues that will change recruit training and advanced officer training statewide. After I got home, Mrs. Bullethead left to get her hair done, leaving me in charge of the house until dinner. No big deal, I've been in charge of everything from training classes to tactical operations. We ve got three little Bulletheads an almost 5-year-old, an almost 3-year-old and a 1.5-year old. I love hanging with them, so an afternoon to get back in the swing after a few days away was welcome. I told Mrs. Bullethead to enjoy her hair appointment and got to the business of father-son time.
The key to the door of Dante's 99th level of hell was an odor in 1.5's shorts. Easy day, I thought, changing diapers is part of what dads do. Halfway through the change, 3 started to yell that he needed to poop. Still no problem; I left 1.5 upstairs, fully changed and ready for his next adventure, and ran to 3.
Getting 3 situated on the can is not difficult, but it is time consuming because he is a particular little fellow. Specifically, if you don't get him situated correctly, he might get up and leave before he is done. No one wants that. I'm about halfway through this process when 5 walks down the stairs and, with a quiver in his voice, says, " Um, daddy, I just accidentally pooped on the carpet." That one hit me like a right cross on the jaw. Sit Rep: 3 is on the can yelling about leaving if I don't get with the program, 5 just pooped on the carpet, 1.5's exact location unknown but likely near the poop on the carpet, Bullethead in need of a cover unit, but I'm the only car in service.
Time to put the incident command system to work: 3, hold your horses, I'm coming. 5, get to the blue bathroom and don't touch anything. If you find 1.5, bring him with you but don't touch him.
When 5 turned to head upstairs, I saw his legs were covered in poop. I start running and gunning, hoping I would catch a break. I get 3 situated quickly and tell him he is on his own for a while. I run to the blue bathroom, scanning for the poop on the carpet. I find it about two inches from the tile floor of the blue bathroom the little guy was running for the toilet when he fired a bit early. I find 5 in the bathroom naked, covered in poop from his rear end to his heels and waiting to get into the tub. 1.5 is next to him and has had significant incidental contact with the poop. 1.5 is also holding a toothbrush and toothpaste both covered in poop; I'm now begging entities to which I don t even pray that he hasn't found his teeth with that brush.
I'm doing my best to control my voice because 5 just had an accident and he was already upset with himself. I get 5 and 1.5 into the tub and learn that water alone will not wash poop off of children. Talk about getting your hands dirty!
After 20 minutes of hell, numerous trips up and down the stairs and a lot of hot water and soap, I finally went code-4. When Mrs. Bullethead got home, I explained my especially hard day. She laughed and said, Hard day? Hell, that sounds like a Tuesday. Try staying home more often, sport!
Lazy is the last thing I would call any stay-home spouse. Go give your wife a hug and thank her for sacrificing her career to do her best for your kids and for running your home. Enjoy your adult time at work and every so often away from work, and encourage her to go have some quiet time. This will get her out and away from the hardest job anyone has ever had—raising kids. It will also help keep her sane and get you reconnected to the kids. The money you make is for the family, not for you, so let her spend it. You also need time together find some babysitters.
Good luck and avoid poop whenever possible.
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