Apology: Ex-Officer 'Truly Sorry' in BART Shooting

Saturday, July 10, 2010

While the jury was deliberating his fate, former BART police Officer Johannes Mehserle crafted a handwritten statement in which he apologized for the first time for shooting Oscar Grant, saying he will be forever haunted by Grant's dying words.

• Read the Letter Now

"For now, and forever I will live, breathe, sleep and not sleep with the memory of Mr. Grant screaming 'You shot me' and me putting my hands on the bullet wound, thinking the pressure would help while I kept telling him 'You'll be okay,' " Mehserle wrote in the letter, dated Sunday.

Mehserle gave the letter to his attorney, Michael Rains, and asked him to release it to the public. Rains did so Friday, a day after a jury convicted Mehserle of involuntary manslaughter for the Jan. 1, 2009, slaying of Grant at the Fruitvale BART Station in Oakland.

'How sorry I am'

"I don't expect that I can ever convince some individuals how sorry I am for the death of Mr. Grant, but I would not feel right if I didn't explain my thoughts as I wait for a decision by the jury," Mehserle said.

Grant's uncle and an attorney for his family said Friday they were unmoved by the apology. If Mehserle were genuinely sorry, they said, he should have said so long before now.

Mehserle, 28, testified last month during his trial that he had thought he was pulling his Taser as he attempted to arrest the 22-year-old Grant for allegedly resisting officers after a fight on a train. He fired a single shot into Grant's back before he realized he had instead pulled his pistol, Mehserle told the jury in Los Angeles, where the trial was moved to escape heavy publicity in the Bay Area.

Mehserle didn't apologize on the witness stand. But in his letter, the former officer said, "It saddens me knowing that my actions cost Mr. Grant his life, no words can express how truly sorry I am."

He wrote that he wanted to talk with Grant's mother, Wanda Johnson, and with Sophina Mesa, the mother of Grant's young daughter, but that death threats directed at his family and friends "resulted in no communication occurring. I hope the day will come when anger will give way to a dialogue."

Jury was out

Mehserle was out on $3 million bail when he wrote the letter, two days after the jury began debating his fate. The panel had to start over Wednesday when an alternate was seated, and reached its verdict the next day after 6 1/2 hours of deliberations.

Mehserle is now in custody, awaiting sentencing Aug. 6.

Rains' law colleague Harry Stern said the decision to write the letter had been Mehserle's alone.

"I understand it was just a spontaneous thing that he just handed to Mike," Stern said. "I know that based on my discussions with Mike. It wasn't something he asked him to do. It's a pretty striking piece of work."

Family unimpressed

Cephus "Bobby" Johnson, Grant's uncle, said that if Mehserle had written the letter the day after the killing and given it to the family, it would have carried more weight.

Now, he said, it amounts to "a convict pleading for mercy."

"This is the first time we are hearing all of this," Johnson said. "From the first, we had been condemned by his father who said that we were all trying to capitalize off his death. That told us that there was no sincerity in his heart or his son's heart about what happened to Oscar. Here we were, being crucified for seeking justice. We hadn't done anything wrong."

'No consequence'

John Burris, an attorney who represents Grant's family, said he considered the letter and Mehserle's apology to be of "no consequence."

"From our point of view, it would be more appropriate and better received if he had said he was sorry at the very moment he looked in his Grant's eyes after the shooting," Burris said. "He should have said, 'Sorry, it was a mistake and I didn't mean it.' "

Tony Coleman, spokesman for the Coalition for Justice for Oscar Grant, said, "If you really want to say 'sorry' to somebody, you can arrange that. There is no excuse not to apologize immediately. This doesn't have much value, right now, because you are saying it because the system is holding you accountable and you want leniency, as opposed to being genuinely sorry."

Mehserle's letter of apology

The full text of Johannes Mehserle's letter, dated Sunday and released Friday by defense attorney Michael Rains follows:

Mike - Please try to get this message to the public:I don't know what the jury in this case is going to decide, but I hope those who hate me and those who understand that I never intended to shoot Oscar Grant will listen to this message.I have and will continue to live everyday of my life knowing that Mr. Grant should not have been shot. I know a daughter has lost a father and a mother has lost a son. It saddens me knowing that my actions cost Mr. Grant his life, no words can express how truly sorry I am.I hoped to talk to Ms. Johnson Wanda Johnson, Grant's mother and Ms. Mesa Sophina Mesa, Grant's girlfriend and the mother of his daughter in the days following this terrible event, but death threats toward my newly-born son, my friends and family resulted in no communication occurring. I hope the day will come when anger will give way to a dialogue.For now, and forever I will live, breathe, sleep, and not sleep with the memory of Mr. Grant screaming "You shot me" and putting my hands on the bullet wound thinking the pressure would help while I kept telling him "You'll be okay." I tried to tell myself that maybe this shot would not be so serious, but I recall how sick I felt when Mr. Grant stopped talking, closed his eyes and seemed to change his breathing.I don't expect that I can ever convince some individuals how sorry I am for the death of Mr. Grant, but I would not feel right if I didn't explain my thoughts as I wait for a decision of the jury.

Johannes Mehserle
7-4-2010

The original handwritten copy can be viewed at http://www.sfgate.com/ZJYU

 

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