I’m writing to you because my fiancé broke up with me. He’s been in law enforcement for only nine months, and in that time, he’s been struggling with work because he thinks everyone is picking on him. One of his reasons for breaking up with me is that he said I don’t understand him and what he’s going through at work.
I’m devastated that he broke up with me after seven years together. Last time I spoke to him, I asked if he’s involved with another woman. There is another woman involved, and I believe she is a custody assistant at the jail where he works. He’s probably thinking this new woman understands him better than I do.
This woman understands him, of course, because they work together—duh! Can you please enlighten me, and maybe offer me some advice on how to handle this? So far we haven’t really talked about things. —Heartbroken by a Rookie
Dear Heartbroken: You might have better luck getting love advice from one of those radio doctor chicks or that bald guy on TV. I personally can’t stand those idiots because they spend a whole lot of time playing games and trying to untie a bird’s nest. Now Ol’ Bullethead, I like the “Alexander the Great” method of getting past these Gordian-type knots: You pull out a nice sword, and you hack the SOB in half. That’s much cleaner and quicker than trying to untie them.
I’ll give your problem a shot, but I warn you: I won’t be any nicer with you than I am with anyone else, so it may feel like a punch in the face.
Let’s start with your man. He’s a whiny little punk for crying about people messing with him when he only has nine months on the job. Hell, I’ve been around the world twice and spoken with everyone at least once, and when I get to work, people still go out of their way to mess with me every chance they get. That’s the nature of the business, and if he can’t deal with it, he’s a punk who ought to get bounced into another line of work. Just so we’re clear: That had nothing to do with him dumping you. I’ll get to that in a bit.
As far as this other woman goes, she doesn’t understand him any better than anyone else. She’s just available and ready to roll (in the hay, so to speak). Lots of men and women fall into this trap, thinking that someone from work understands them better than whomever they left at home. Actually, all the other person understands is that they can get what they want without strings attached. After they wreck a home, the strings come out just like they always do. Some home wreckers are more interested in proving to themselves that they can get anyone at any time, so they just move on and leave families destroyed. It’s a bummer: You might hope morals would be higher in our line of work.
Now, let’s take a look at you. There’s no way to spin this, so I won’t even bother trying. You picked a guy who wasn’t ever planning on marrying you. Seven years is way longer than any guy needs to decide if he wants to stay with a woman forever. I’m sure the wedding planning was underway, but believe me when I tell you he was looking for a way out.
That was the jab in the face, and here comes the knockout follow-up: He stayed with you because it was convenient. You were nice to him, and he always knew he could get what he needed emotionally, physically and socially from you. Wow! I can’t believe I just wrote that! I may be losing the razor’s edge that makes me who I am! I’ll try to redeem myself in the next paragraph.
So, Heartbroken, what should you do next? I’ll tell you what I’d do. I’d drop all this dude’s crap into a box and write a nice note telling him to enjoy his badge bunny and be ready for her to move on to the next deputy who smiles at her. Next, you need to decide how mad you are. For me, I’d go out and date his best friend.
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